Jean Paul Gautier Introduces Cato's Catwalk
Lured from his Parisian workshop, Jean Paul Gautier was on hand for the first rehearsal of the professional entrants in the "I'm too sexy.....Cato's Catwalk Contest. L'enfant terrible and sometime designer to such stars as Madonna and Marilyn Manson,
Gaultier worked feverishly to arrange the works of art that each entrant wore. First up on the catwalk was professional supermodel and sometime Gautier girlfriend Baxter, who frequently turns up as male and female in the designer's work -- so sleek is his/her style and so absolute is his/her refusal to adopt either sexual roll. Early in his/her career Baxter was quoted as saying it was important to him/her to maintain his/her identity as a feline first and a cat second. What this means, no one is quite certain, but it has caught the imagination of the feline fashion world. Baxter has been kept working full time 24/7. If he/she is not in front of the camera, he/she is catnapping somewhere.
Baxter is seen wearing a Joseph Campbell/Bill Moyers power of myth organza with a seed-pearl bodice and a cake-tired gauze skirt. His/her white fur wisps out of the delicate lace at arms and neck. His/her delicate features are surrounded by a French lace draped around a pair of antlers donated by the Deer Foundation of America. The whole outfit reeks of dead ruminant. The limited audience on hand for the rehearsal was driven mad by the proximity of dead prey.
Abyssinian pop singer Ruby strutted her stuff next. Bearing just about everything in an elaborate take-off on the Union Suit. Ruby takes it up a notch by adding signature Queen of the Nile golden leggings and a royal diadem highlighted with a circus pony pom pom. The body of her suit was crafted from a butterfly net, studded with gold lame and punctuated with intricate shoulder epaulets made from date palm leaves.
To a Western feline sensibility there was something positively Elizabethan about her ermine collar and a golden crown.
As one of the oldest cat breeds on earth and the direct relative of felis lybica, the wildcat ancestor to all domestic cats, she walked a thin line between her middle eastern past and a haute future.
Just back from a recent hastilude where she skewered several heads of state during a particularly brilliant bout in the lists, Christine de Pisan comes dressed for combat wearing a chain mail snood that reflects the green and gold of her eyes. Her matching ailette, besagews, couter, and gauntlets are also gold-plated metal.
Her brigandine is fashioned from Mercedes Benz hubcaps in descending widths to grace her hips. The couter and gauntlet fittings are made to resemble Disneyland's Mad Tea Party cups piled bottom to bottom at the elbow giving the military side of the gown a whimsical look that has more than once set her enemy to laughing and allowed her to deliver a coup de grace.
Hoisting her bastard sword, she strode the catwalk boisterously challenging all to meet her in hand-to-hand combat. A member of the fashion press spontaneously described her as "beautiful as Paris, as pious as Aeneas, as wise as Ulysses and as fiery as Hector. When the battle was over she was humble and courteous even though she has devoted her life to feats of arms."
Editors Note: Due to an ongoing search for employment, my campaign manager's ability to proof read my material has slowed. I apologize to those contestants who sent their photos in for the competition on time, expecting the contest to commence on May 15. The next installment of the catwalk will include all amateur contestants.
